Tick Tock

Ever think about timing? Your timing, my timing, how about God's timing? How does it all add up? My patience lately has come from living with my father for the first time since I was 5 and learning about each other. Even more patience is required when I want so badly for him to see God the way I see him. I can get all wrapped up in how much fuller his life could be but then I have to stop myself. It's not my timing. It's Gods. What do we do while we wait? Do I try to bring Jesus up as much as possible? Or do I back off? Anyone familiar with the blank stare? You know, you start telling a story about something valuable in your life and the person listening just cannot relate at all. Has no earthly clue why that would mean something to you or what you're really talking about. I know I gave the blank stare my first few times in church. I didn't know the words to the worship songs and I didn't know just how I was supposed to act, still don't sometimes. Lately I feel like i'm sitting in a room of blank stares. I'm surrounded by people who don't really seem to know the Lord. If they do, it's not verbalized and I don't really know. Yes, this is a really exciting opportunity. God could really use me and shine his light through me. Or he could not... depends on his timing. But not having fellowship is also requiring a lot of patience. I feel like God's had me in a desert for a few months now... just me and him. And yes, it is GREAT! But sometimes I want a real, Godly woman to bounce my ideas off of. Someone to check on me and hold me accountable and wish that I would do the same for them. The ones i've found are older and already have friends to lean on. I know, God is going to bless me with a friend sooner or later. No, i'm not a loser for not having tons of friends right now to go hang out with... i'm just looking at this as one on one time with the Lord. He's put me in such a position that there aren't many other places for me to look. I must look at him. Yes, I have a lovely boyfriend who is constantly listening to me and letting me know what he thinks. For that I am blessed and would be so lost if it weren't for him. But lately, along with Caleb's encouragement, I crave a female, someone who struggles the same way I struggle... who plays a similar role in the heart of God that I do. Just my thoughts lately... it's taken me a while to blog because I wanted to have a great message to portray but realized that I can just talk about what's going on. A walk with God isn't always a walk through a rose garden. It can be hard and messy. It can require you to pull your sleeves up and get to the heart of things. While I feel extremely far away from thats that I love, I am starting to draw nearer to the Lord who led me here in the first place. I'm excited to see what he wants to teach me... all in his timing of course.