Go & Make Disciples

I've never really thought about making disciples. When the word comes up I think of men in cloth walking through sand. I know, it's absurd. But for some reason this has come to my attention lately. As I get back into the swing of things in college life I find myself searching for friends to surround me. Friends to lift me up. Lots and lots of friends. Best friends. This unrealistic expectation is causing me to lose confidence in many aspects of my life. As I have many surface relationships, I crave the ones that shake my core. I have this vision that I should have people to my left and right to fully understand me. It's just not the way it works all the time. We are not called to be surrounded by tons of friends. Jesus wasn't. He invested in a small group of men and didn't think twice about it. Lately i've needed a constant reminder of why i'm here... so frustrating. I am not here to have earthly relationships which boost my self esteem. I am here to invest in people personally, in a time consuming manner. I am here to lift other people up and run back to the Lord to be filled up in return. Something that really bothers me about me is the fact that when I ask a person how they are and they don't ask how I am in return, I kind of get offended. I take that with a grain of salt and remember who they are. I am not here to talk to people about how I am doing. I am here to listen and love on others and reveal the heart of the Lord.

"God's design for taking the gospel to the world is a slow, intentional, simple process that involves every one of his people sacrificing every facet of their lives to multiply the life of Christ in others"- Radical by David Platt (if you haven't read it... READ IT!)

Desperation

On my knees, looking for God and hoping He will come. This can be a pretty wild experience... your heart splayed out, not a dash of pride left but a desperate hope that He will come. Lord, please come. I've always heard that the closer you grow to God the bigger of a target you become to Satan. I never thought it applied to me. And now I find myself begging to my God to come and begging to myself to leave. I don't understand it. I don't understand where I am, I feel lost. I know God has me in the palm of His hand but I don't know why my heart aches as if He doesn't. I don't understand what is going on and why I am going through this, only hoping that at the end God will come. He will come. I know it. I am waiting to be saved, all over again, and it's only Monday morning.