Desperation

On my knees, looking for God and hoping He will come. This can be a pretty wild experience... your heart splayed out, not a dash of pride left but a desperate hope that He will come. Lord, please come. I've always heard that the closer you grow to God the bigger of a target you become to Satan. I never thought it applied to me. And now I find myself begging to my God to come and begging to myself to leave. I don't understand it. I don't understand where I am, I feel lost. I know God has me in the palm of His hand but I don't know why my heart aches as if He doesn't. I don't understand what is going on and why I am going through this, only hoping that at the end God will come. He will come. I know it. I am waiting to be saved, all over again, and it's only Monday morning.