Hidden Treasure

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it." Matthew 13: 44-46

When I read this parable this morning, I imagined myself as a child running through a field, expecting to find nothing but grass and wildflowers. Yes, the grass and wildflowers would have a beauty of their own, but my heart would be used to that. I imagine coming up on a treasure. Use your imagination here. Would it come in the form of a little box, that when opened, would shine in a million different colors as the jewels do when Snow White's seven dwarves are whistling while they work? Or would it be an instrument that could play beautiful songs all by itself, mesmerizing the listener? What would your treasure be? I imagine the fast beat of my heart and the delight I would feel upon realizing that I had found something so special and rare.

I had to stop and think about my faith being a treasure that I found in a field, or the finest pearl that I had ever seen. I certainly do not wake up every morning and remember that one day long ago, I found the treasure of a savior named Jesus. It seems I have let the radiant beauty of my gift become lackluster in my eyes. How wrong I have been! The gift of the Holy Spirit is far more musical, glimmering, and powerful than any treasure that could ever be found. There is more magic and delight, more mystery and beauty, than anything that I could have ever imagined. I have often desired to become wonder-filled, as when I was a child, at the sight of something new or forgotten. How silly of me to not realize that the power that demanded the most wonder and awe is a life that has already taken hold of me and guides me through my days. Being a child of God allows us to stare at His glory in amazement.

Perhaps the reason this is so striking to me is the fact that I am preparing to graduate and looking for a job. Come May, more will be expected of me. I will begin to pay my own bills, earn my own "allowance", and I will not live as close to home anymore. It is tempting to think that because I am advancing into the next stage of adulthood, I must become all of the serious things that I think an adult is supposed to be. How wrong I have been! My journey into the next part of my life is not to become stale and uninviting. Because the Lord does not wish us to settle, because His gift is and always will be a treasure, He will not take me to the next step of life and replace shiny rocks with dull and heavy stones. In my new responsibilities will the Lord give me delight. With this perspective, the future looks a lot brighter than it did before.

After discovering the treasure, there is another part to the parable. "And then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field" Matthew 13:44. Ah, the convicting part. So you've been running on this field, and you have found this majestic thing... now what? Will you leave it there, thinking that you have enough other things that keep you mostly satisfied? Or will you go and surrender everything you have in order to fully afford your treasure? This concept of surrendering is powerful here. The Holy Spirit is a treasure every single day, but it is in true surrender that we are reminded of his majesty.

Yield

hello little blog!
here's what you've missed: I went through a phase of not wanting a blog in the midst of a small panic attack I had regarding my life. I was bored. And I felt really emotional and "trying to be artsy" for having a blog. Then I decided to screw it. I'd keep the blog.
I'm currently interning with West Houston Young Life. I really like it! I've been challenged to dive deeper into a relationship with God on a day to day basis... not in a camp setting or even in college, but at home. Even harder. So God has been challenging me to read his word and communicate with him and he takes, as much as he can at a time, a piece of my heart. I know the process is gradual because I can feel it. And then there are the days when I can't. That's when I know that I should bend my heart further towards the Lord.
"Now then," said Joshua, "throw away the foreign gods that are among you and yield your hearts to the Lord, the God of Israel." Joshua 24:22
The synonyms of yield are: bow, cave (in), give in, submit, succumb, surrender
So I am now thinking of the ways that I can yield my heart to God in my very own personal ways. I'm finding that I can yield my heart to him in many ways, even as I admire the murky and somehow bright color of the sky before it turns completely dark. 

I wish I made more time for you, little blog. I don't get to talk to you enough. Lately I've been learning a bit about the old testament and I've been blown away by the characteristics of God that I've been able to see... such as his desire for us to know and remember the history of Himself and us. We turn away from God in a different way than those in the old testament did. Times were different, distractions were different, life was just altogether not the same. For some reason I've always allowed this to be my excuse to not push myself to learn more about the "old version of God"... What I've discovered is that although today we exist in a different world than the Israelites, we are very similar. I think if I experienced the parting of the red sea- literally walking between two walls of water- I would never doubt the Lord. But I think back to all of the miracles that the Lord has performed in my life that I can't even remember. The intimate, meaningful gifts that he has handpicked for me. There were times I swore I'd never forget the sovereignty he has because of the peace I had, or because of the way life fell into place. It seems that we can't be content for any extended period of time. At least I've found that I can't.  I go from rubbing my arms with goosebumps because I feel the Lord's presence to doubting his plan for my life within minutes. I think that if only he would do something so big as parting the red sea for me, then I would never forget. But in all honesty, I don't think I would've been any better than any of the Israelites. I've even noticed in my worldly relationships that I simply cannot trust anyone. I cannot settle for what is promised. At some point, I took the bite out of my own apple in the Garden of Eden. My sense of shame, doubt, and mistrust formed. Are we not all this way? Our God sent his only son- literally, his son- to bridge the gap. But for whatever reason, there are so many moments that I just can't understand why someone would do that for me or why I should trust it. Time and time again I fall to the conclusion that we are a broken people and that we desperately need God in every single second of every single day, but it is so hard to follow through.

Lord, place your hand over my insecurities. Rescue us from a broken world.

Dust

This weekend I had the incredible privilege of spending 30 hours learning about the Lord. Typically I wouldn't peg a "women's retreat" as my style really, but since my whole house was going I figured it could be fun. My expectations were completely exceeded. The worship was holistic, the messages were inspiring and the time in small groups just seemed wise. There were many moments where my face turned bright red and my heart just about jumped out of me as I prepared to share something intimate with my small group. It just felt good to talk and feel like maybe people really do care about my spirituality and maybe I can really care about others' spiritual thoughts. The collection of small group leaders was incredible- talk about an eclectic group from all over the place. No two of them were the same... they were all so quirky, full of Christ and clearly comfortable in their skin. I didn't feel like I was in the presence of the church goers that tend to make me yawn, I felt like I was in the presence of the people maybe God would want to hang out with... the funny ones who can be laughing one minute and crying with compassion the next. I admire them and find myself wanting to be like them. But most of all, I just have a desire to know Christ more. The next few days will be characterized by all that I learned the past day and a half... I will be doing some serious thinking, praying, acting, loving, and resting. It's all I want to do really... I'm skipping church tomorrow just to hang out with God. I guess it's like playing hookie with him. And I just love the idea that I feel liberated to do that- I feel liberated to skip church to hang out with God. How fulfilling to just want to be in his presence by myself, not feeling like I need a message to spur me on but to want more time to just hash some things out with him. I've realized that I have something similar to a rubber band ball in the center of my heart. Over the past few years, very slowly, rubber bands have been pulled off to leave me with a smaller ball. But i've realized it is time to entirely get rid of my rubber band ball of raw pain. I am finally feeling ready to look my pains and convictions in the eye and battle them with God next to me. This is probably a result of all of the times we stood in "warrior pose" in yoga today. Talk about an experience outside of my comfort zone!

I look forward to the hours ahead with full knowledge that they will be sweet. My heart rejoices as I realize that my "camp friends" that I would typically miss are my room mates. My retreat buddies are some of my closest friends and I am so blessed to have had this time to grow with them. I can't wait to do life with them and continue learning along side them. More to come about the content of the retreat later :) It's late and I'm tired.

Fall

This season goes by the name Fall. It is supposed to mean yellow crunchy leaves, wind, and dark hues of red and light shades of brown. But to me, the past few months have been a different kind of season. My season has been characterized by wind of a different sort... the kind that moves me and changes me and makes me think. The leaves, falling from trees, have meant a different kind of fall. The fall that causes me to think about the brokenness of this world on a daily basis. The deep hues of red and light shades of brown have meant despair and confusion in a world marked by death and tragedy. This season has been marked with growing pains and a jumble of ideas that don't quite know how to complete themselves. But as the season Fall is beautiful, as is my own personal season. There are days that I feel like a crunched up and broken leaf, days that the wind blows so hard that I can't find my thoughts in the midst of it and hours that I can't help but think about the sadness that surrounds us... but God's voice is louder than any of that. Even his whisper can seep through the loudest howl.

Summer Staff

Wow. What an incredible experience! I recently got to spend 3 weeks in Buena Vista, Colorado, tucked away in a mountain. Pristine everything. Frontier Ranch knows how to reflect God in every little thing. As was said to us, everything speaks. I went into the experience expecting to make friends that would last a lifetime, and that I did. But what I didn't expect was to be pulled in by God's arms into a tight embrace only to hear the words, "Live life with me fully." You know, I was before this whole experience... but boy did I learn the power of prayer and the joy that comes from diving into the word. I really never knew... in high school my young life leader always told us to read the bible, read the bible, get in the word, its all there, just read the stinkin bible. I just wanted to read books ABOUT the bible. One afternoon at Frontier I just sat down, underlined some things that stood out to be in the bible, and just prayed about them. I don't know that i'd ever felt so filled up by the holy spirit than at that moment. God really just tapped on my shoulder and asked me to get closer. Being at home is scary because it's not so obvious that I need to be in the word more. Life seems to be going well. I have new clothes, new stuff for my new room, my brother is coming into town, I am going on a very big vacation next week- I feel fairly independent. Exactly what I feared and what I just don't think God wants. I left from camp wanting nothing to do with a "camp high", I just wanted to come back closer to the Lord. I have a hard time being home and carving out me and God time. There's so much going on inside... and the humidity is stifling outside, I just make excuses. I think that's all I have for now... no new revelations since I've been home, just trying to love well... and to be so close to God that I have no choice but to love well.

That is all.

Be Not Afraid

Hello little blog. I've thought of you often, I just haven't known where to pick back up. So here I am, making my way back to it. Partly because this is one of the first times in a really long time that I've had straight me time. There is NOTHING I have to do tonight besides sleep. Wonderful.
Anyway, I've been thinking. A lot. About fear. I heard a really great sermon by Bob Goff this past Sunday and the catch phrase was "Be not afraid"... three words, infinite meaning. Sure, "Be not afraid" as you take your last final, "Be not afraid" as you walk in the dark at night... but what if we all took it a few steps deeper? And even deeper than that? Would you not find some really dusty, really cool stuff in there?    These words have encouraged me to think about who exactly it is that I AM and was created to be. And I will be honest, my thoughts have both distanced me from and brought me to God. Through bitter visions of me being someone cooler, funnier, more popular if I merely conformed to the world, I have surfaced with the determination to instead love... go... do... BE. What does that look like for you? If you have no clue, then we're in the same boat. But I am realizing that the person God intended us to be is not some stressed out, worry laden human being. No, he wants JOY! Can you believe that? Joy. Imagine enthusiasm, the biggest smile you've got, people blowing bubbles everywhere and a puppy running through the middle of it. Haha! Now see where you can take THAT sort of vision and make it fit your own imagination. Perhaps one of my biggest fears has been to walk towards JOY. To experience joy would mean to let go of all that weighs me down... to let go of the responsibilities that I feel are life or death. To let go of any connection to ANYONE and just let it be... to remember that the only connection that will ultimately lead you anywhere is the one that Jesus made for us. Love with joy and remember that you are guaranteed nothing on earth, especially TIME. Make time. Be time for others. Sure, this feels a little similar to a camp high for me. I feel so, just, happy. But the take away is so much greater than that... so much more inspirational. 


Think about it. Be not afraid... where can that take you?