Dust

This weekend I had the incredible privilege of spending 30 hours learning about the Lord. Typically I wouldn't peg a "women's retreat" as my style really, but since my whole house was going I figured it could be fun. My expectations were completely exceeded. The worship was holistic, the messages were inspiring and the time in small groups just seemed wise. There were many moments where my face turned bright red and my heart just about jumped out of me as I prepared to share something intimate with my small group. It just felt good to talk and feel like maybe people really do care about my spirituality and maybe I can really care about others' spiritual thoughts. The collection of small group leaders was incredible- talk about an eclectic group from all over the place. No two of them were the same... they were all so quirky, full of Christ and clearly comfortable in their skin. I didn't feel like I was in the presence of the church goers that tend to make me yawn, I felt like I was in the presence of the people maybe God would want to hang out with... the funny ones who can be laughing one minute and crying with compassion the next. I admire them and find myself wanting to be like them. But most of all, I just have a desire to know Christ more. The next few days will be characterized by all that I learned the past day and a half... I will be doing some serious thinking, praying, acting, loving, and resting. It's all I want to do really... I'm skipping church tomorrow just to hang out with God. I guess it's like playing hookie with him. And I just love the idea that I feel liberated to do that- I feel liberated to skip church to hang out with God. How fulfilling to just want to be in his presence by myself, not feeling like I need a message to spur me on but to want more time to just hash some things out with him. I've realized that I have something similar to a rubber band ball in the center of my heart. Over the past few years, very slowly, rubber bands have been pulled off to leave me with a smaller ball. But i've realized it is time to entirely get rid of my rubber band ball of raw pain. I am finally feeling ready to look my pains and convictions in the eye and battle them with God next to me. This is probably a result of all of the times we stood in "warrior pose" in yoga today. Talk about an experience outside of my comfort zone!

I look forward to the hours ahead with full knowledge that they will be sweet. My heart rejoices as I realize that my "camp friends" that I would typically miss are my room mates. My retreat buddies are some of my closest friends and I am so blessed to have had this time to grow with them. I can't wait to do life with them and continue learning along side them. More to come about the content of the retreat later :) It's late and I'm tired.