The past two days have given me a chance to get outside of my bubble just a tiny bit. By bubble I mean direct family. I've spent the last few weeks hunkered down with my immediate family, playing with my little sisters and growing closer to my mom. Yesterday we headed out to Ohio- just my mom, youngest sister and I. And boy is it different! Tucked away in a little city in Ohio we aren't expected to be posed. We are expected to have heart. Coming from a city where everything is supposed to look polished I am not used to the acceptance that a relaxing day can bring. I am also given insight into great diversity. I often dream of diversity... how unique everyone is in their foreign countries... but I never dream of how unique each person in my family is. I find myself longing to have conversations with those I know are christians, just wanting someone to talk to about all of this. I also find myself longing to bring it up with those who don't know the Lord personally, hoping to save some sweet and precious soul in my family. And then I realize what God has called us to do.
"That is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation."
2 Corinthians 5:19
Why is it so difficult to reach out to the people dearest to my heart? Of course it spurs from a huge fear of rejection, led on by the devil. A lot of it also comes from doubt in who I am as a christian, not wanting to be hypocritical or judgmental. These are all good, GREAT people who have a ton of heart. I just am not sure that the Lord is important to all of them... so when will I be able to look those that I love the most in the eye and share the gospel? When will I be brave enough to talk about the Lord to my grand parents who have undoubtedly heard the word and decided against it? My only answer is when God equips me in his timing. It requires trust and it requires handing my reputation over to God. It frustrates me, not being able to openly talk about my father the way I want to. But I would rather wait until the Lord fills me with his words than try to force a conversation that would only push them further away. Until then I can only hope that the light that the Lord may shine through me would shine on them and cause them to look his way.
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